Its been a heck of a while, eh? Last time was in March. Wow!! That was not the plan actually. However, life does happen. Sometimes, we need space to evolve.
Over the past few months, its been a real struggle trying to figure out what to show and tell. Its been super difficult trying to decide a niche for this blog (and honestly, for my life in general). I am at that weird trying-to-figure-life-out stage, and at this point I just think its cute.
I love reading personal, lifestyle-ish, beauty blogs like Tuke’s Quest, Cassie Daves, KacheeTee, Shirley B. Eniang, Patricia Bright, Lemon Stripes, Berry Dakara, JustineCelina, Very Erin, Sisi Yemmie, Ifeyinwa Arinze, Afoma Umesi as well as fashion blogs like Style by Alexandriah, The Cocopolitan, Chic Ama Style, Awed by Monica, J’adore Fashion as well as Travel Lifestyle Blogs like The Ufuoma, Kemi Onabanjo, Naija Nomads, Travel With A Pen (This is so not an exhaustive list at all!). I come across new, amazing blogs every single day.
The truth is that I would absolutely love to share my life with you, as I really enjoy reading about other people too.
Its with certitude that I let you know that I am afraid, very very afraid.
I keep thinking, what if no one reads or comments? What if I am too boring? What if my voice is drowned in this already over- exposed world? What makes me think I am valid enough to share my life, lessons and opinions? Heck, what if I regret all of this in five years?!
Then the most scary one, What the hell am I going to do with my life?
Whew! That’s a lot, but that’s the truth.
I’d kept myself in this doubt and its prevented me from allowing this blog (and myself) fulfill its purpose. Yes, I did.. Not anyone else, Me!
When I finally took the bold step to start this blog, I wanted to make it personal and relatable. However, I got really scared and just stopped posting all together. I have so many posts in my drafts, but I never let them out because I was afraid.
In fact, typing this I am afraid that I would not let you see it, but here we are 😊.
I have battled with so much fear, mostly of failing..
In this blog.
In my career as a Pharmacist.
In my job. (Yes, I have had two jobs so far!)
In getting into a meaningful relationship that would, God-willing, lead to a happy marriage ( I still feel old when I realize that some of my mates are married, and some even have children.Yikes!).
Most importantly, in my relationship with God.
Its really annoying to have been stuck in such an unpleasant place for months, but in writing this, I feel a release, a forward movement.
I think this is one of the periods where I have truly felt the impact of comparison being the thief of joy.
I have mentally compared myself to people, including those I see only on Instagram and TV. Meaningless, isn’t it?
I don’t want to live such a life anymore… I miss true joy. I miss laughing at myself. I miss not being on Instagram! It was a much easier life, both a blessing and a curse.
In the midst of all of my downward-ness in recent times, I got a job interview (Big shout-out to Seyi for hooking a sister up!).
This right here is where I totally and absolutely failed!!!! This is the story.
Most of my mates decided to start working as locum pharmacists last year or earlier this year, but I was simply not ready. I wanted to learn how to sew (and I did!). In April, my friend Seyi who was working at a community pharmacy in the area where both of us live told me she was leaving the job and wanted to know if I was interested. On a whim, I said yes, even though I had no clue whether I was or not. I thought about it and decided that I would learn and refresh my memory, as well as a CV boost. I thought, why not?
I was called in for an interview the next week and I showed up on time, dressed up a bit and went in. I thought it would be a breeze but I was oh, so wrong!
I was asked pretty basic questions for a pharmacist like; How do you handle a patient with a cold? Or one with a rash? What are the examples of Angiotensin-Receptor Blockers? What is Amoxil used for?
I could not remember anything. I kept thinking, stammering and repeating the same thing.
Nna, I failed woefully! I just kept thinking and asking myself whether this was all my 5 years was for? For me not to know common ARBs? I mean, Desire, even Amoxicillin!
Maybe my nerves played a part, and the fact that I did not totally know it would be an actual interview. Even with that, there was no real justification for the mess up!
It was so bad that I was asked straight up if I was sure that I even wanted the job and was even initially given a one- week, no- pay probationary period (which was scrapped eventually, thank God). I even apologized for the the terrible interview.
This was my first job interview ever, and I genuinely failed. Quite severely. It made me learn that you have to go towards life as prepared as possible. Its no guarantee of success, but you would be more ready if the worst rears its ugly head.
I am proud, nonetheless, to say I had that job. It may not seem like a big deal, but I am happy about it because I get to be of great help to people and I learnt so much in the process. I would be sharing tips on acing your first job interview and surviving your first month at a job successfully in later posts.
I had to leave that job as much as I liked it, so I could start my one-year internship in August in Agbor, Delta State! This one is a story for another day.
I am so excited to say I have taken back my life. I have gone back to the only source. God! I am learning to breathe and learn to take it all one step at a time.
I have let go of this fear, flushed it down the drain.
I am just at the surface of the first phase of adulting, and it’s already been interesting. Most of the time, I honestly just want to go back to when I was a student and just live in that cocoon, but at other times, I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me.
I am just so happy right now, and its a joy which no man gave me, and I have my enthusiasm about life back. I have actually grown within these few months.
I am not only going to read other blogs (which I love!!), I would pay great attention to mine too, and I hope you keep on reading!
From this post on, I would be like to be diverse with this space. I have ideas, but I would like your help, pretty please.
What kind of posts would you like to see more of? Life? Opinions? DIYs? Style? Learning Life?
How do you deal with life when you are in a fix? What helps you to get out of that ‘I’m-not-doing-again’phase?
Please let me know in the comments!
Honestly, if you actually read this, thank you so much for reading.
VENI, VIDI, AMAVI.