self-love, self-confidence, winning at life

Learning Life || 4 Reasons Why You Need To Lose Your Confidence.

We can all agree that self-confidence is essential to living a fulfilled life, but life really sucks sometimes and we lose it, bigtime! Does this mean we are losing at life?

When people talked about being self-conscious as teenagers, I just didn’t get it. I didn’t have great skin or look good, I was skinny with ‘rashes’ on my face with medium-length hair, but I didn’t care. Academically, I was doing well-ish.

My point is, I was your average girl, just swimming in the middle of the masses.

So, the concept of self-confidence was like Greek. It was beautiful, but incomprehensible to me.

I didn’t quite get why having acne or being  fat or skinny would make someone feel bad about themselves, I just thought, it is not that deep, biko.

Fast forward years later, I finally struggled with the issue.

In 2016 and early in 2017, I felt rather bleh without even realizing so, until afterwards. My parents noticed, and asked me if I was depressed (I probably was, but I said no multiple times, of course).

I was going through a thoroughly disheartening emotional time which infiltrated my physical. I don’t even know how or from whence it came.

For a while, I felt ugly.

Oh yes, like a face-rash-ridden-skinny-ugly-somebody. To make it worse, my previously thriving hair refused to keep growing. It was around this time that I finally had to come to terms with the fact that I could not have a first class degree after wanting it for so long and I messed up two important relationships.

Moving to 2018, I went through a second bout of this dearth of self-confidence, but due to physical reasons. I used a skincare product that left me with a really bad facial allergic reaction and the ugly feeling came back, even worse.

I was angry, ashamed, in despair; you name it, I felt it. Eventually, I came to realize that I needed to go through that, and quite honestly, I believe you need it too. Well, your own version though.

Here are the absolute reasons why;

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comparative review of the hate u give book movie desire uba

Book Or Movie? || A Comparative Review Of The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas.

After last year’s intense reading, The Hate U Give felt like the best bet to start off 2019.The movie adaptation was definitely the most emotion- grabbing movie I saw in 2018 and its book, one of the most popular on the #Bookstagram community. It obtains its semi-eponymous name from the acronym by Tupac Shakur, THUG LIFE (The Hate U Give Little Infants F***s Everyone).

I went on an all- out spree searching for the book but I simply could not find it. Eventually, I was gifted the book and decided that it’d be my first read in 2019.

The lead character, Starr Carter is a 16 year old black girl leading a seeming double life. As an offspring of a teen mom turned nurse and an ex- drug dealer living in the fictional ‘ghetto’, Garden Heights, she struggles to juggle life as she attends a predominantly white prep school and with her presumably beautiful relationship with her white boyfriend, Chris.

The story, in both adaptations, tells of the killing (and its aftermath) of her best friend and presumed drug dealer, Khalil, who was shot by a white policeman.

The Hate U Give, in general, is a narrative that isn’t afraid to portray a specific story – a truthful and important story.

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My Top 10 Paperback Reads In 2018

It is 10pm on December 31st, 2018 and I arrive at church for the ‘Crossover into 2019’ service but I am stuck outside. I cannot go in.

Why?

This is because Angels and Demons has held me hostage.

I. Cannot. Leave.

So I stay outside to deal with it because this has been on my neck for two months and I need it to be over.

10 minutes later, it was over.

I had truly finished my fiftieth book. I had attained my goal!

When, in January, 2018, I wrote down the goal to read half of a hundred books, I didn’t truly believe I would. However, with a little less than two hours left for 2018 to elapse, I read my last word in my last book for the year. I was elated!

2018 was the year I ran out of paperbacks at a point and I had to turn to e-books, and I had a joyful moment when I purchased the physical copy of an e-book I had read- Americanah.

Good books were my fortune as I flipped through pages, but some did stand out. They took me to places unknown and captured my emotions in distinct ways.

In no specific order, these were my favourite paperback books I read in 2018 and a brief reason why you’d love them too;

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3 + 1 THINGS YOU DESERVE IN LIFE, SO ASK NOW!

There is power in our individual differences as humans. It is interesting to witness how literally opposite we can be, and how someone (or thing) can turn out worlds apart from what was expected. I am naturally a people pleaser and it’s astounding how much it stealthily moves into my everyday life and thoughts.  I literally feel drawn to please everyone, no matter how inconsequential it may be to me. This characteristic in me usually transcends all relationships, but in recent times, I realized that some people would use it to their advantage which wouldn’t be a problem if it was detrimental to me. I still find it difficult to say ‘No’ almost every time, but I came to realize that feeling entitled isn’t always a bad thing.

There are times when we really are entitled to certain things. We don’t need to settle or accept everything we get. There are things that we thoroughly deserve from life. I do not need to please everyone. In fact, there are times, I daresay, when I only need to please Desire, she and herself.

These are a number of facets of life where we are in our own right to demand how things should must go;

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Learning Life || Four New Ways I’m Loving Myself

Self-love is being preached everywhere I go. I am not quite sure if it’s just how my social media is set up but I keep coming across the act of self-love. As a teenager, I had no real idea of this concept because honestly all was quite well in my world.

When adulthood began to force herself into my life I struggled with losing myself and self-love( its dearth actually) became my reality. This wasn’t (and isn’t) in terms of putting myself above others or placing them above myself.

This is simply about not excluding myself from joy. It really is about allowing myself truly be well… myself and enjoy the seemingly vague things that assist in cumulating my happinessRead More »

Help Me!|| THIS GIRL HAS LOST HER DREAMS.

Hey Tribe,

It feels so good to say that again!! It has been a lifetime since I was here. I never particularly stopped writing, but I did stop sharing. Plus, I was almost totally off the internet for about five months which was an experience in itself. I do promise that I am here for good now.

I recently turned 24 which makes me three years older than Kylie Jenner and less than a year younger than Justin Bieber.

Maybe I’m too old to be called a girl. It’s getting real. Its a lot to take in when I try to think about what the hell I am doing with my life.

I do have a few achievements which would be unfair of me to ignore. A steady work life, an actual profession, and a firm family and friendship base, to mention a few.

Now, even as I typed this , I cringed.Read More »

IWD 2018|| FIVE FEMALE BLOGGERS WHO HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE

Happy International Women’s Month!

I am still fascinated by the fact that we are in March (what?) already! This is my second year celebrating Women’s Day and Month so you can imagine my shock when I found out it has been celebrated since the early 1990’s.

I am ecstatic about the change I see every day. We are not where we should be, but the outpouring for International Women’s Day (IWD) this year was overflowing. I was super happy!

#PRESSFORCHANGE HERE AND NOW

As an avid blog reader and commenter, I have been blessed (yes, blessed) to have followed these women over a few years and their content creation, thoughts on life, consistency and overall being has been soothing to my soul.

five-life-changingfemale-bloggers-2018-desire-uba

These women are whom you’d call your ‘average girls’; relatable and down-to-earth. From a lawyer to medical doctors, a full-time content creator and a Business/ Communications Manager, they have given me real-time proof to back up the seeming cliché saying, ‘You can do whatever you dream’, and I am here for that, always.

Ps. All characters in BLUE are clickable.

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