LIFE RECENTLY ¦¦ I FAILED WOEFULLY!!

Hey Tribe,

Its been a heck of a while, eh? Last time was in March. Wow!! That was not the plan actually. However, life does happen. Sometimes, we need space to evolve.

Over the past few months, its been a real struggle trying to figure out what to show and tell. Its been super difficult trying to decide a niche for this blog (and honestly, for my life in general). I am at that weird trying-to-figure-life-out stage, and at this point I just think its cute.

I love reading personal, lifestyle-ish, beauty blogs like Tuke’s Quest, Cassie Daves, KacheeTee, Shirley B. Eniang, Patricia Bright, Lemon Stripes, Berry Dakara, JustineCelina, Very Erin, Sisi Yemmie, Ifeyinwa Arinze, Afoma Umesi as well as fashion blogs like Style by Alexandriah, The Cocopolitan, Chic Ama Style, Awed by Monica, J’adore Fashion as well as Travel Lifestyle Blogs like The Ufuoma, Kemi Onabanjo, Naija Nomads, Travel With A Pen (This is so not an exhaustive list at all!). I come across new, amazing blogs every single day.

The truth is that I would absolutely love to share my life with you, as I really enjoy reading about other people too.

Its with certitude that I let you know that I am afraid, very very afraid.

I keep thinking, what if no one reads or comments? What if I am too boring? What if my voice is drowned in this already over- exposed world? What makes me think I am valid enough to share my life, lessons and opinions? Heck, what if I regret all of this in five years?!

Then the most scary one, What the hell am I going to do with my life?

Whew! That’s a lot, but that’s the truth.

I’d kept myself in this doubt and its prevented me from allowing this blog (and myself) fulfill its purpose. Yes, I did.. Not anyone else, Me!

When I finally took the bold step to start this blog, I wanted to make it personal and relatable. However, I got really scared and just stopped posting all together. I have so many posts in my drafts, but I never let them out because I was afraid.

In fact, typing this I am afraid that I would not let you see it, but here we are 😊.

I have battled with so much fear, mostly of failing..

In this blog.

In my career as a Pharmacist.

In my job. (Yes, I have had two jobs so far!)

In getting into a meaningful relationship that would, God-willing, lead to a happy marriage ( I still feel old when I realize that some of my mates are married, and some even have children.Yikes!).

Most importantly, in my relationship with God.

Its really annoying to have been stuck in such an unpleasant place for months, but in writing this, I feel a release, a forward movement.

I think this is one of the periods where I have truly felt the impact of comparison being the thief of joy.

I have mentally compared myself to people, including those I see only on Instagram and TV. Meaningless, isn’t it?

I don’t want to live such a life anymore… I miss true joy. I miss laughing at myself. I miss not being on Instagram! It was a much easier life, both a blessing and a curse.

In the midst of all of my downward-ness in recent times, I got a job interview (Big shout-out to Seyi for hooking a sister up!).

This right here is where I totally and absolutely failed!!!! This is the story.

Most of my mates decided to start working as locum pharmacists last year or earlier this year, but I was simply not ready. I wanted to learn how to sew (and I did!). In April, my friend Seyi who was working at a community pharmacy in the area where both of us live told me she was leaving the job and wanted to know if I was interested. On a whim, I said yes, even though I had no clue whether I was or not. I thought about it and decided that I would learn and refresh my memory, as well as a CV boost. I thought, why not?

I was called in for an interview the next week and I showed up on time, dressed up a bit and went in. I thought it would be a breeze but I was oh, so wrong!

I was asked pretty basic questions for a pharmacist like; How do you handle a patient with a cold? Or one with a rash? What are the examples of Angiotensin-Receptor Blockers? What is Amoxil used for?

I could not remember anything. I kept thinking, stammering and repeating the same thing.

Nna, I failed woefully! I just kept thinking and asking myself whether this was all my 5 years was for? For me not to know common ARBs? I mean, Desire, even Amoxicillin!

Maybe my nerves played a part, and the fact that I did not totally know it would be an actual interview. Even with that, there was no real justification for the mess up!

It was so bad that I was asked straight up if I was sure that I even wanted the job and was even initially given a one- week, no- pay probationary period (which was scrapped eventually, thank God). I even apologized for the the terrible interview.

This was my first job interview ever, and I genuinely failed. Quite severely. It made me learn that you have to go towards life as prepared as possible. Its no guarantee of success, but you would be more ready if the worst rears its ugly head.

I am proud, nonetheless, to say I had that job. It may not seem like a big deal, but I am happy about it because I get to be of great help to people and I learnt so much in the process. I would be sharing tips on acing your first job interview and surviving your first month at a job successfully in later posts.

I had to leave that job as much as I liked it, so I could start my one-year internship in August in Agbor, Delta State! This one is a story for another day.

I am so excited to say I have taken back my life. I have gone back to the only source. God! I am learning to breathe and learn to take it all one step at a time.

I have let go of this fear, flushed it down the drain.

I am just at the surface of the first phase of adulting, and it’s already been interesting. Most of the time, I honestly just want to go back to when I was a student and just live in that cocoon, but at other times, I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me.

I am just so happy right now, and its a joy which no man gave me, and I have my enthusiasm about life back. I have actually grown within these few months.

I am not only going to read other blogs (which I love!!), I would pay great attention to mine too, and I hope you keep on reading!

From this post on, I would be like to be diverse with this space. I have ideas, but I would like your help, pretty please.

What kind of posts would you like to see more of? Life? Opinions? DIYs? Style? Learning Life?

How do you deal with life when you are in a fix? What helps you to get out of that ‘I’m-not-doing-again’phase?

Please let me know in the comments!

Honestly, if you actually read this, thank you so much for reading.

VENI, VIDI, AMAVI.

Desire.

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30 thoughts on “LIFE RECENTLY ¦¦ I FAILED WOEFULLY!!

  1. I can totally relate to the interview scenario for the two reasons you gave: nerves and not knowing it was for an actual interview. Although in hindsight it’s weird that I’ld have been invited just to look around their office. Anyway, in my case, I didn’t get a call back. But it was okay because I didn’t want the job too. Preparedness is so important! It was even emphasised in church today. Opportunities may spring up at any point in time and it’s important to always be prepared. This doesn’t just apply to job interviews.
    Thanks for sharing and all the best going forward on your journey.

    ❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • You got me laughing at “coming to look around their office’. Being prepared cannot be overstated in life at all. I pray that God helps us to always be prepared, and that we also recognize when He offers us what we need.
      Thank you so much for reading and this comment Toyin!

      Like

  2. Well done dear! Fear and failure are normal in life. I thank God you have Christ cos He is a Lover like no other and He will definitely take care of you.
    Love Whatsapp

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are doing great baby girl. Just be confident of yourself and be bold to plung into the deep. God will uphold you.
    Interviews can really send cold down someone’s spine. Lol. I’ve been there too.
    In would like more of your LEARNING LIFE topic.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Please do more candid posts like this! I like reading posts on the lives of other people, seeing their perspectives because I can learn from their experiences and their mistakes. Just write what comes naturally to you, write on things you’re good at and can advise other people on. Don’t force it oh! And don’t be scared, nobody is boring to me, everyone has something interesting to say. That’s why I love hopping from blog to blog. Please ohh release those posts from the drafts folder for us to read and enjoy! You don’t know what difference you can make in the life of someone who might randomly stumble across your post

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Amaka!!
      Your comment totally made my day! Thank you for your words of encouragement. I love reading about other people’s lives too and I am a shameless blog hopper too. I can’t count the number of times I have read someone’s post randomly and it touched my being, and it would make me so happy to help someone else
      If you have a blog, please let me know, I would love to read it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I do have a blog 😊 mindofamaka.wordpress.com! Hope you see a post you like there!
        And, you’re very welcome. Lol I just have this habit of leaving long comments 🙆🏽

        Like

  5. I am a first time reader and I could relate 100% with this post. I used to be afraid about everything and try to give tangible reasons for being afraid. I am overcoming my fears little by little by being consistent and all that but I still have a long way to go. It feels relieving to know there is someone out there who is going through the same phase of life as me and is coming out better and stronger. You go girl you are a good writer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome and thank you so much for reading, commenting and complimenting!! Honestly,we need more people like you in the world, people willing to encourage others and share their story too.
      I can totally relate to all you have said and I believe that we will come out stronger than ever!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Heyy Desire.. welcome back. This is a very lovely post. I thoroughly enjoy reading this. Don’t worry just post. Even if no one reads or comments someone will eventually. You are helping so much people than you know already. You really just inspired me! Just know that something good never comes easy and the fact that you forgot angiotensin receptor blockers is actually funny (sorry) because it is a question I would have asked you. Just know you can’t ever forget it again. It’s part of the learning process. You’ll be fine. We will all be.
    Can’t believe you’re going to Agbor!
    All the best girl! I’m sure you’ll really enjoy it.
    Let me stop here lol
    Lots of Love!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aunty Shula!! Thank you for your constant support!!
      You really got me at nothing good coming easy, and I think I always forget that and expect life to be a bed of roses.
      That ARB thing was just messed up 😂, but like you said I have not forgotten it till today!
      I am enjoying Agbor so far, so calm and peaceful.
      Thank you for reminding me that I’ll be fine, I needed to remember that.

      Like

  7. Came back to read this thoroughly so I wouldn’t miss anything. This post is so easy to relate with. From starting a blog to comparing your life with other people’s – consciously or unconsciously. It’s the human way. Glad you’re getting your mojo back. Sometimes, you have to be intentional about these things. Surround yourself with people that inspire you, remind yourself why you started (your blog) in the first place.. count your blessings, celebrate little victories and you’ll see that you have already succeeded in many, many ways!

    PS: Was excited to see my blog among your new finds.. Thank you so much!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for this in-depth comment. Any time I get a post out now, I consciously remind myself of why I started this blog so comment, views or not would not be my motivation.
      I will start celebrating my little victories, because I really have not been doing that.
      Your blog is an absolute gem!!
      Thank you so much again!

      Like

  8. Nice one dear, I could totally relate to all that went down here, dealing with the fears, comparing life with others, caring so much about people’s opinion and approval , if they like what you are about to bring to the table or you should just swallow it back in, it could be difficult at times dealing with all these… but thank God we are gradually coming out of all these.
    Thanks for actually letting this one out, you touching lives in ways you don’t know, the world is waiting to hear your story, keep writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I can’t but wonder why I’m just getting to read this now.A ‘stale-lite’ you might want to call me.lol.
    Well done ‘Abu m Desire’,your write ups are not just relatable but tranquilizing as well;reminding us of our human nature,bound to fail but also to rise up even stronger.
    I can recall also going for an interview after school(the first actually).I was so not prepared as i thought i would be the the normal remuneration talk and that’s all.I was shocked to my bones when the interviewer stated ‘the interview would be in two phases-oral and written’.Prior to that,i was already feeling unusual because of the not-so-nice comments i got for my casual dressing(but why did i dress that way sef?).She asked me some basic questions which i mumbled to answer as though i were speaking with my brains on hibernation.Bad turned to worse with the writing phase.It was pure pharmaceutical calculations…Choi!I had to exploit my phone as a calculator which did me no good as i received incessant calls from one of my clients.I had this feeling of a superhero losing his super powers.But really,there are no excuses for faliure.When the alloted 30mins came to an end,trust me,i was so scared to submit the nonsense i had on paper to her.I was like ‘Ben so,with all your distinction,this is all you had to offer’.I felt so so bad with myself but then i realised that i actually didn’t prepare and took the interview with an unusual levity.Even though i was super pessimitic about getting the job,a part of me still craved for another chance to prove my true worth.Well,the chance did come but not in the same setting.(I didn’t get the job).From that day forward.i made a resolution to ALWAYS BE PREPARED!Other lessons I learnt include
    1.It’s better to be prepared and not have an oppurtunity than to have an oppurtunity and not be prepared.
    2.It’s not what you have that matters(e.g. having a distinction) but what you do with it.
    3.Let bygones be bygones.Push forward with optimism than look backward in regret.
    4.You can either have results or excuses by NEVER both.
    Continue to inspire the world Desire as you leave golden footprints on the hearts of many.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow!! Ben, this should be a separate post on its own. It is literally the most thoughtful comment I have EVER gotten here!! Gosh, I am astounded.
      I feel like you should genuinely be a writer.
      It’s super important to always be prepared, no matter what, and I also believe we should work with what we have, no matter what.
      I totally understand how you felt, and it’s all a part of the journey. It’s part of what makes up the stories we would tell our children.
      Thank you so much for this Ben!! The whole world needs to see this.

      Like

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